toasterstrudel:

  1. Obtain a significant other from a country that doesn’t sell Toaster Strudel
  2. Marry them and start a family
  3. Offer to make your fam breakfast every morning
  4. Make them strudel with no icing
  5. They’ll have no idea Toaster Strudel even come with icing
  6. Take all six packets for yourself
  7. Avoid making eye contact with your reflection in the mirror for the rest of your life because you are a monster

(via turnerauerbach)

coca-koala:

It’s so sad that some of the loveliest and kindest people dislike themselves a lot

(Source: doll-ballet, via pizza)

janemba:

*is a wreck*

*gives ppl lifestyle advice*

(via pizza)

sorry:

 I wonder if cops ever get annoyed at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.  

(via pizza)


d0nn0:

jxydx:

Imagine a world where dogs do not exist………

no

(Source: jayda95, via pizza)

wongburger:

the-vashta-nerada:

pleaseremembermefondly:

charlisheen:

you know what i want to know

how the fuck did mr salt and mrs pepper make a fucking cinnamon shaker for a baby

image 

solve that mystery steve

THAT IS PAPRIKA YOU IGNORANT SLUT

EXCUSE ME ASSHOLE THAT IS CINNAMON HE WAS BORN IN THE FOURTH SEASON

PAPRIKA LOOKS LIKE THIS

image

THAT’S FUCKING PAPRIKA

SHE’S CINNAMON’S OLDER SISTER 

GOD DAMN TUMBLR I AM FUCKING DONE WITH YOUR SHIT

tumblr gets heated over blue’s clues

(Source: magicalgirlsgonewild, via mickydzwhore)

  • police officer: you're under arrest for shooting someone in the chest
  • me: whoever made the rhyme did the crime(:
  • police officer: haha i have to give you credit for that one dude you're off the hook

deodrant:

tumblr kinda forces u to get educated on things bc otherwise u wont be able to participate in or understand dash topics

(Source: rnerrychristmas, via pizza)

  • me as a pedestrian: [catwalks slowly across street as 90 cars pile up behind each other trying to turn; throws modelesque glance backwards over designer shades] [car inches into crosswalk] HOW DARE YOU COME WITHIN FIVE FEET OF ME!? I HAVE THE FUCKING RIGHT OF WAY??? SEE YOU IN COURT YOU CAPITALIST, PLANET-DESTROYING SCUM
  • me driving: say your prayers